Anger

Do you get angry and then regret saying something you should have not?

When we think of anger, we think of the times when we fought with someone or kept silent and suffered.

Today while contemplating on anger, I came across a good understanding and I want to share with you.

Anger is a form of energy. Agree? Let's throw out the assumption that anger is bad. Sometimes it is required. So proceed with an open mind.

Anger may act as a catalyst towards some solution to a life's problem. It acts as motivation.

We think anger is wrong whereas it is of 2 types: Constructive and Destructive.

Do we really need anger?

Short answers: In career, yes. In relationship, maybe not.

We need some kind of anger with problems to find solutions. Otherwise you must have heard about 'chalta hai' attitude in India. Compromise and adjustment: these doesn't need anger. We ignore our problems and our situation gets worse.

It is called escapism. Escaping anger with the help of distractions can get us rid of anger but our passion will be gone too.

To summarise what I wrote in previous 2 para:

Whenever we take responsibility, we will get angry. Because things will not go according to our plan. 

For ex- Consider I want to loose my weight. I will try to act on my goal. If I still can't loose, I will feel trapped. Either I can ignore it and have no anger. Life will be an easy. And I can escape by denying the problem. And it will snowball later in life.

Desire is the root cause of anger. 

But do you know what is desire's root cause? It is needs and wants. Anger is only better if it is due to needs. Not due of the wants.

There are problems that we need to solve vs what we want. When anger is connected to problems that are our needs, we will have solution oriented approach. When anger is connected to desires, it is destructive. Even if it comes true, it becomes greed and when faced with failure, we break down with frustration.

There's a natural anger that is connected to needs. And we need that anger to find solutions. Imagine not being angry about not having financial security. This type of anger gives way to passion. 

Anger related to wants can't give us freedom. We discussed the anger related to our needs. But what about the anger that is related to our wants/desires?

Anger related to desires can be solved if we understand our desires. It needs this level of self awareness.

Anger in relationship can be destructive and damage strongest of bonds in seconds. It is due to our unrealistic expectations.

We should take our anger related to needs seriously. And take the anger related to wants very casually.